Afraid
by Stars in the Sunshine
Summary: Morgan/Reid. "I don't want to tell them because... I'm afraid."


This is my first Morgan/Reid fic. And I'm utterly excited. :) I hope you guys like it.

Disclaimer: I don't own Derek Morgan, Spencer Reid, their love, or _Criminal Minds_. And it makes me cry.

* * *

It was their first fight. Spencer had cried, screamed too. Derek had walked out, too frustrated to deal with his boyfriend.

Spencer sat as still as possible, his back against the kitchen cabinets. The tears were starting to slow, but his mind kept racing. Derek was right, Spencer knew that. But he couldn't just agree; there wasn't any way he could just do what Derek wanted. Sure, they had been together for a while, but Spencer just couldn't bring himself to do… that.

***

_Derek walked into the kitchen, carrying grocery bags from the _Stop&Shop_ down the street. Spencer was sitting at the table, working on some paperwork he would usually be doing at the office, but Derek sweet talked him into bringing it home. _

"_Hey, pretty boy," Derek said as he wrapped his arms around Spencer from behind. Spencer's head fell back into the crook of Derek's neck. Perfect._

_Derek kissed Spencer's temple and walked back to the counter, starting to put the groceries away. "You know," Derek started, nonchalantly, "that they'll figure it out eventually."_

_Spencer knew Derek was talking about the team. Penelope knew, but that's because she had come over to Derek's apartment one night (probably to complain about how Kevin was being and ass – again) and saw Derek and Spencer acting like more then friends. _

_Spencer didn't turn around to look at Derek. "Yeah, I know."_

"_You remember how easy it was for all of us to figure out that Hotch and Emily were together. Do you think it's that easy for them to tell about us?" Derek asked, closing the fridge._

"_Well, Derek," Spencer started, "neither of us is pregnant. That was the huge give away for Emily."_

_Suddenly, Derek was sitting right next to Spencer. Spencer turned his head to look at him. Derek had one of the most intense looks on his face. "How come you don't want them to know?"_

_They've had this conversation before. And last time, it hadn't gone so smoothly either._

_Spencer looked down at his lap, debating whether or not to tell Derek the truth. He decided against it. "I don't think it's any of their business."_

_Derek hit the table. Hard. "Dammit, Spence. It is their business! They're our _family_! And I don't want to hide and keep such a big, important part of my life – our life – from them. And even if we don't tell them, they're still going to figure it out. There's only so long that I can keep this up, Spence!"_

_Spencer stood up, staring at Derek. "And you think that I like sneaking around!?"_

"_It seems like you DO! You don't want them to know, so you must like this whole secretive thing!" Derek got up from the table and walked over to the counter. He leaned on it, putting his head in his hands._

"_I hate secrets." Spencer whispered, more to himself then Derek._

_  
"Then why can't we tell them?" Derek glared at Spencer._

_Spencer said nothing, and with that, Derek grabbed his coat from the chair. "When you figure it out, come find me."_

_And he walked out._

_***_

Spencer had it figured out – he did all along. But he didn't want Derek to know the truth; he didn't want Derek to be ashamed of him.

But Spencer can't sit on the floor anymore. He stands up, grabs his jacket and gets in his car.

Before he can realize what he's doing, he's at Derek's apartment, ringing the bell. And before he can runaway, Derek opens the door. His eyes are looking down, fumbling through his wallet for twenty dollars. "Thanks for making such a late run, man. How much do I-" Derek looks up.

Derek takes a step back, starting to close the door. "No!" Spencer yells, pushing it back open. "Derek, please. Just let me explain something." Derek stands there, quiet as can be.

Spencer looks down. "I don't want to tell them because… I'm afraid. I'm afraid of what they'll say. What they'll do. And after we tell them, there's nothing stopping me from telling my mother. And I don't think I could tell her. She's always loved me for me, but… if I tell her, she might not understand. She's so… out of it half the time, she won't remember. But then if I tell her, I have to tell my father too. And he'd abandon me again, just like he did when I was little. And we just got back on speaking terms, kinda. If we tell the team… I'm just afraid."

Derek grabs Spencer, forcing him too look at him. "I love you."

And the gap between them is filled.

A few hours later, Spencer is holding Derek, his head against the smaller boy's chest. "I love you too," Spencer whispers, "and I think we should tell them."

Spencer feels Derek form a smile.

* * *

Yeah, it was a little strange. But you should review my crappy attempt at a Morgan/Reid relationship.

xoxoxoxo


End file.
